(posted without permission, but since the book pirates J. K. Rowling's name I don't think they are in a position to prosecute. I can't guarantee that it is completely right, but it is basically OK.)

Chapter 1: A Sweet and Sour Rainfall

Harry did not know how long this bath would take, when he would finally scrub off that oily, sticky layer of cake icing. For someone who had grown into a cultured, polite young man, a layer of sticky filth really made him feel sick. He lay in the high quality porcelain tub ceaselessly wiping his face. In his thoughts there was nothing but Dudley's fat face, fat as his Aunt Petunia's fat rear end.

Harry was a 5th-year student at Hogwartz School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. At that heavenly amusement park his grades were the highest of all the students in his class. Because of this, when summer approached he was named the Head Student in his class. But for some reason Harry did not understand, Professor Dumbledore firmly insisted that his summer practice be at his aunt's house at 4 Privet Drive.

His objections to this were overruled by the Headmaster on the last day before leaving school. Because of this Harry had been unhappy the whole day. 4 Privet Drive to him was his childhood heaven, but also his childhood hell.

His first day back, his cousin Dudley also returned home from school. This was his nightmare. From the depths of his heart he was not willing to pass summer vacation with his fat cousin, but there was absolutely no way to change the fact. At the magic school he was a young celebrity, but at Privet Drive he was still a protected object. [?]

During dinner, as always, Dudley had let loose his spoiled personality, and not only yelled abuse at his fool of a father, but also threw a plate of cake at Harry's face just because Harry said something to him that a polite child should not say.

Lying alone in the large tub with the piping hot water flowing over him and his soul calmed, he decided his evening's activity would be to take as long a bath as he wanted. Though usually unwilling to accept anything from the Dursleys, still he had decided to use the adults' bathroom. It was very rare for anyone to enter the crude old man's bathroom. Even his wife and child were not usually allowed in, so the chance of Harry's being disturbed or upset was not very big.

Apparently his uncle let him do this because he was a little embarrassed, Harry thought as he soaked in the tub, repeatedly thinking of how his cousin Dudley had squandered his advantages with his repulsive actions.

Harry had very carefully planned this bath, because before he had gotten up in the middle of the night and run around, and been caught by his Aunt. He could not bear thinking back to the terror of that night, and hoped not to experience it again. The invisibility cloak he naturally could not do without for the purpose of security. Harry also wanted to bring "Introduction to Transformations" so if Dudley blundered into the room he could change into a huge monster and scare Dudley half to death. After thinking for a while he felt pity for the obese pathetic worm, and decided to bring his Marauder's Map instead. The Marauder's Map was scarcely less important than the invisibility cloak. It was the most important tool for Harry to use when he was breaking the school rules. The map would show anyplace Harry thought of, including all the complicated twisting corridors and secret passages from the wars of several decades ago. But the most important thing was that it displayed the names of all the small points representing the locations of all the people in the area. This way, if anyone approached the bathroom Harry could get an early warning.

[This part needs work]
He thought back to that Thursday, the most important day in Harry's life, the most unforgettable day in Harry's life. In the middle of the night Harry secretly got out of bed, donned his invisibility cloak, and like a puff of steam tiptoed down the stairs, and then went to the school hunting grounds, like the night when the keykeeper Hagrid secretly took him to see the fire breathing dragon, waiting to ??????

"Hey! Wormtail, how ya doin'?" Harry first called to the guy opposite.

Peter was his parent's classmate at Hogwartz School of Magic, and afterwards became Voldemort's henchman. His good sense at the critical moment helped him pull life out of death. So, the now aged Peter had become Harry's devoted follower.

Peter smiled and bowed towards his idol Harry. In the muggle world Harry still was only a normal young man, but in magic circles he was a spectacular person. Because of his fame there were bad or jealous magicians and beasts who wanted to smash Harry.

Ron faced the portrait of DaVinci's old man and said the spell: "Fried banana pudding". The door creaked open showing a long crack where the moonlight shone through the darkness. Harry hurried in, then turned and closed the door, took off his invisibility cloak, and looked around.

Tonight Harry was a little uneasy wearing the invisibility cloak because it seemed like overkill for a minor problem, but he couldn't really blame himself, since kindhearted Harry had gone through many, many terrors at 4 Privet Drive. So far so good, the moonlight-drenched passage was empty, completely still. At several key times (like when Dudley suddenly attacked him) he pulled out the Marauder's Map ...

[skip to end of chapter]

"Oh, it's no use" Hermione said, closing the book with a bang. Who wants their nose hair to grow curls?"

"Hahaha, anyway I don't disagree." Suddenly, from outside the window came a strange, eccentric voice: "Harry, your nightmare is starting."

In the still night, in the wavering light of the candles, in the uncomfortable storeroom, this would naturally frighten anyone. At this time came a strange laugh, even if it wasn't a monster Harry and his friends were still chilled to the bone.

"Who are you?" Harry asked, after a few minutes it took to summon up his courage.

"Who am I? Why don't you come out and look, then you will know." that strange, cruel, and malicious laugh changed into an owl's hoot. Outside the white window the shadow of a giant tail waved back and forth like a dead 1000 year old tree blowing wildly in the wind.

Hermione's wavering voice asked, "Harry, what should we do?"

Harry thought deeply for a moment, grabbed his glasses, and confidently said, "Don't be afraid, let's go out and see. Earlier wasn't Voldemort fierce? But in the end we always overcome him."

"Darn!" Ron cried out, quietly. "Isn't little Peter standing guard outside the door? I hope he hasn't run into any danger."

"Don't worry, Peter is an old charlatan, he can take care of himself." Harry grabbed Hermione's hand, stood up, and said "Come on, let's go out and look."

The three screwed up their courage, opened the door, and went into the next courtyard. There was no movement in the courtyard. Peter stood beside the door motionless, clearly immobilized by some magic. Harry looked all around, but did not see any sign of the object that had just spoken. Even the giant tail had vanished into thin air.

What was happening? Probably it was just a poltergeist [naughty child?] from the school playing a bad joke? Formerly there had been this type of thing, which had been very frightening at first.

Several people were whispering. Suddenly a bright light appeared in midair, and at the same time a heavy rain started falling.

"Ha ha ha!" that laughing voice came again, but this time it wasn't through the window, but in midair.

The small courtyard, only tens of meters in circumference, collected the rain. Harry and his friends didn't have time to think, they were instantly wet through.

"Hey, how come this rain is sweet and sour? Hermione, are you OK?"

He saw Hermione's soaking wet body gradually shrinking, her insides suddenly tightened and a painful expression spread across her pale face.

The rain was very acid, the remaining people also felt it.

An even more frightening thing was taking place on Harry's body.

He hadn't time even to recover his attention from Hermione's change when he suddenly realized his own two legs had grown soft and his whole body was squatting down.

But he immediately realized, he was not squatting down, his legs were growing short and thin. This is why he felt he was going down.

He turned his head and saw Ron and Peter's bodies also had begun to change. In midair a pair of fierce bright giant eyes stared unblinkingly at them with a cold laugh.

Harry was concious of flying through the air, flying towards a different time and space, familiar though he had never seen it, only his Aunt Petunia's crazy ravings and fat cousin Dudley's snores sounding one after the other.

Several thousand years away, a small world suddenly sprang out of a dream.


Chapter 2: Hobbit Harry

There was a hobbit, who didn't even know how to return home. He lived in a hole in the ground, and didn't know where he came from or where he was going to. He even didn't know why he had become a hobbit. This was Hogwartz School of Witchcraft and Wizardry 5th year apprentice Harry Potter.

Harry lived in a hole in the ground. Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare, sandy hole with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat...

[from here almost to the end of the book, it is virtually identical to The Hobbit, not just in plot, but in words too. Most of the chapter names are the same, but some have been changed: for instance, chapter 6 in the book, "Out of the Frying Pan, Into the Fire" is inexplicably changed to "Flying Broom 2000". A quick scan did not turn up any reference to a broom in the chapter.]


Chapter 20: The Doughnut Turns

... [finishes The Hobbit]

At a crossroads Gandolf said goodbye to them, because he wanted to return to Hogwartz. Just before leaving he told Harry he should return to his uncle's house at number 4, since he had disappeared for a month, and who knew what trouble those moron muggles would get into.

After Gandolf left, the five of them rode their brooms, travelling with the wind. Trees and cars along the roads below receded. Only when they encountered the occasional passenger jet, the pilot and passengers would cry out, "Hey! Flying people!", or "Hey! Aliens!"

Not far from the small town they found an isolated place to land, and walked back according to the school rules.

"Bless me! What's going on?" Harry had hardly walked into his Uncle Vernon's house when he cried out.

In front of Uncle Vernon's front door was a great commotion, and people of all sorts, police and kind-hearted neighbors. On the grass in front of the door police cars were parked with their sirens still going off.

In the distance he saw that fat pig Dudley. He hadn't seen the jerk for more than a month, but there he was, certainly several pounds heavier, happily rubbing his stomach.

"Harry! Harry is over here!" Dudley called.

Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia turned their heads and looked at Harry, so angry they were not even able to think of punishment for an instant.

"You juvenile delinquent, where the hell did you run off to? We thought you were gone without a trace."

"Look, the police are all here! You disobedient child!"

Fat pig Dudley ran over, pointing at his nose and saying loudly, "Harry,why did you go away?"

Harry ignored them all, and along with Ron, Malfoy, Hermione, and Peter, with head high and chest thrown out walked into the house.

The owl hooted a greeting and flew over, stopping on the porch. A pair of owlish eyes stared fixedly at all the Dursleys, and they all nervously shut their mouths.